Know your family and know their language! (Part 1)

This post is for everyone who has been afflicted with the calamity of not even knowing who is in the family, let alone speak to them or visit them or aid them to the best of ability. No, one does not have to have a major in Sociology to understand and appreciate this post. You only need to question your soul to appreciate it!

What is family?

Well I have to touch a bit on sociology here to sound academic. In the West, the word family usually refers to what is known as a nuclear family, consisting either of a married couple (or a divorced or widowed parent) with unmarried children or of a married couple without children. So this nuclear family contains the parents and their non-adult, unmarried children or only the husband and the wife, with no children.

This is not the usual case elsewhere. Well it was not the case back in the days. In Asia (including Far East, Middle East, North, South), Latin America, Africa and many parts of Europe, family usually referred to what is known as an extended or joint family, and would include parents, children, spouse, grandparents, uncles and aunts, siblings and cousins. All do not necessarily have to live under one roof or even in one town, but when you mean family, your cousin from your second paternal uncle is also included in this structure.
Obviously, just as with many other things in the society, Westernisation and 'modernisation' and 'industrialisation' and what-not have had a drastic effect on today's family structure. Just look at the many immigrant 'families' residing in the West; the son does not recognise anyone except his siblings and parents to be his family, yet has 500 facebook friends whom he keeps in touch with every day! This is the reality now.

The negative perception towards extended family

I am not sure if I'm generalising too much on this, but from what I have experienced, the new generations (say post 1980s) consider extended family to be an unnecessary burden, an unnecessary load on their shoulders. Why have your 80-year old grandpa in your house when there's an old care centre only 100 miles down the road? Why visit your maternal aunt in Ethiopia when you can have a summer trip to Barcelona? Why send a £100 gift to your cousin in Argentina, when you can spend it in the club this coming Friday? Why, why?

Some of the negative perceptions are not without proofs. For instance, many newly wed couples do not want to stay in the same house with their parents or in-laws because of the friction, jealousy and power control inside the house. Many put this as a marriage condition: "I'm not staying with your parents if we get married." Or later in the marriage, when they have kids, "I'm not gonna let my kids hang out with your cousins/mother/siblings/etc." Sometimes it makes sense, because your cousin might be a porn-addict or your dad might be a chain-smoker or your mother might enjoy gossiping about others and while you do not backbite about them, you may not want your children to take on those habits. So not all negative perceptions are necessarily unreasonable.

Why bother about your parents, siblings and relatives?

If you are a Muslim, then because it is the Commandment of Allaah and His Messenger. Even Hindus and Buddhists keep ties with their relatives, well at least, that was the traditional way.

The importance of upholding and maintaining ties of kinship in Islam is highlighted in Part 2.