Dowry Culture to Groom: That's Retardism (Part 1)

This has been in my mind for a long time. I grew up in a culture that is heavily influenced by the Indian culture and traditions, and from one of the despicable practices that Muslims in Bengali/Indian culture have acquired is the practice of dowry to the groom, i.e. the husband, as a condition for marriage to take place.

What is Dowry?
This needs to be defined first. Dowry is payment, in the form of cash, cheque or other goods, to the groom, before marriage between them can take place. Any money paid to the bride (or the bride's family) before marriage is technically dowry but that is not of concern here, as that is not the subject of oppression in society, nor is it the generally accepted usage of the term dowry (feminists should definitely agree with me on this!). Henceforth, whenever dowry is mentioned, it is with regards to dowry to the groom, not the bride.

Gift: We don't call a spade a spade
The word 'dowry' has caused a lot of social tension and is now linked to the groom (and his family) being shallow and oppressive. Hence people don't like calling a spade a spade.

Dowry is now referred to as a 'Gift' or an 'Honour'. Cool. I want gifts too! I want a Porsche 911 and a mansion in Beverly Hills, California as 'gifts'!

Origin of Dowry (aka 'Honorary Gift')
I think most Westerners and 'educated, civil' society in the non-Western world, who are accustomed to this word dowry, know that it has something to do with Indian culture or Hinduism. Therefore many Hindus have tried to explain and defend this origin, to appear this as civilised and acceptable, but make no mistake, the concept of 'dowry' is from Hinduism, just as accepting a man to be the literal 'Son of God' is also from Hinduism (no, I will bet, it is not an Abrahamic tradition!)

At this point, let me mention that dowry was very much practised in Europe as well, in ancient Greece and elsewhere, dating back to the ancient Babylonian 'Code of Hammurabi' (read).

I will not beat around the bush here. I will take in from the horse's mouth (Hindu literature and rituals) to remove any doubt you may have, that dowry ('gift') is not from Hinduism.

"The ritual of worship while crossing the border (Simantapujan):

1. Definition: The practice of honouring the groom at the border after he leaves his village (or if the proposal is from the same village, when he leaves his house) and enters the bride’s village by the bride’s relatives offering him clothes, etc. is known as the ritual of worship while crossing the border (Simantapujan).

2. Welcoming the groom and honouring the elder son-in-law: ‘In this ritual of worship (puja) the bride’s father washes the feet of the groom and offers him clothes and ornaments. At the same time he also offers betelnuts and betel leaves to all other members of the groom’s side. Before the ban on the dowry system by the law, the bride’s father would give the dowry to the groom’s father. The groom’s father would receive the dowry fearing that it may not be given after the marriage. According to the scriptures the offering to the groom (Varadakshina) is given after the giving away of the bride (Kanyadan)." Source

So within this Hindu source (that wishes to unite Hindus all over the world), one can see that not only is dowry a part of Hindu ritual, the father of the bride also has to wash the feet of the groom to honour him! So if any man out there wants to be honoured by having your feet washed by the father of the bride, marry a Hindu girl!

One may also notice that the dowry ban is talked about, which is the ban in India (read) after Hindus misused this ritual by finding loopholes into it. And then came the politically correct word 'gift' with no pre-conditions attached to it. Obviously, India's laws are defined as per the notion of the country being a 'socialist, secular, democratic, republic' and consideration to Hindu laws and rituals do not officially come under the country's laws if they contradict the Constitutional values of India.

The Indian legal advice website, mentions some interesting things about dowry (bearing in mind, they are not representing Hinduism but rather Indian supreme laws):

"The ancient marriage rites in the Vedic period are associated with Kanyadan. It is laid down in Dharamshastara that the meritorious act of Kanyadan is not complete till the bridegroom was given a dakshina. So when a bride is given over to the bridegroom, he has to be given something in cash or kind which constitute varadakshina. Thus Kanyadan became associated with varadakshina i.e. the cash or gifts in kind by the parents or guardian of the bride to the bridegroom. The varadakshina was offered out of affection and did not constitute any kind of compulsion or consideration for the marriage. It was a voluntary practice without any coercive overtones. In the course of time, the voluntary element in dowry has disappeared and the coercive element has crept in. it has taken deep roots not only in the marriage ceremony but also post-marital relationship. What was originally intended to be a taken dakshina for the bridegroom has now gone out of proportions and has assumed the nomenclature 'dowry'." Source

And I would be fair here. It was not meant as a coercive persuasion, with the groom's family demanding "I want this, this and this"; rather it was a ritual that the bride's family gave as gifts to honour the groom. However, without this ritual, the marriage is not complete and Hindus exploited it, with their caste system (read), whereby it was expected that the bride's family must make the groom and his family 'happy' with the 'gifts'; otherwise that would mean the bride would later be harrassed and tortured with even the possibility of cancellation of marriage.

So the popular 'Indian culture' as related to dowry was set out as follows:

"One of the evils of Hindu marriages is the ubiquitous dowry system. The amount of dowry can be a very substantial amount, even in dollar terms, depending upon the financial status of the parties involved. Sometimes greedy mother-in-laws and husbands subject the poor brides to innumerable hardships for not meeting their expectations in respect of the dowry. Cases of bride burning are not unknown. Indian penal code prescribes severe punishment for such acts. But the cases take years and decades before the courts deliver justice.

Hindu marriages are also very expensive because of the status, dowry, expensive gifts, family prestige and other issues involved. The bride's parents have to bear the brunt of most of the expenses and in many cases it leads to their financial indebtedness." http://www.hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/h_marriage.asp

It is this dowry culture that has led to unthinkable degrees and numbers of oppression and violence towards women. Sadly, many Muslims who should have nothing whatsoever to do with this 'caste system' and 'dowry', are more eager than the modern Hindus in this respect to exploit women and humiliate them. That is what I am going to highlight in subsequent parts, God willing.