Enough of external news, let me share some insider news now. And let me first tell you that I am ashamed that such incidents happened and continue to happen in my culture, but when you are ingrained to understand something in a certain way, anything contradictory to it sounds odd and unacceptable. Try talking about the ill-effects of fornication and drinking to many Westerners and you would see how their minds are ingrained into thinking how right fornication and drinking is.
My uncles and aunts
When you have the popular Indian culture with regards to dowry as defined here, being the parent of unmarried daughters is seen as a social burden. We have a local word for these parents, they are called "kanyadaygrosto pita" which translates into "father burdened with an unmarried daughter", and the social perception towards such fathers/mothers is not very pleasant.
My grandfather from my mother's side, has 8 daughters and 0 sons, meaning I have 7 maternal aunts and lots of cousins. My grandfather wasn't exactly the 'wealthy' person in society, and marrying off his daughters to good, respectable grooms (i.e. my uncles) seemed a mountainous task. I know many proposals that came to my younger aunts got turned down after the groom's family found out that my aunt's family is not rich enough, that they cannot make them 'happy' with the 'dowry gifts'.
My own mother, may Allah be kind to her always, also had to go through some of the ill-effects of dowry culture. A lot of times, it is the groom's family, who puts a lot of mental pressure to the bride and these things don't always come out because women in my society has the reputation of 'enduring social injustice' without complaining.
The opposite is true for my uncles who got married to outsider women, i.e. my aunts. Less than 10 years back I think, an uncle of mine got married and received plenty of 'gifts' including a car, a TV, new furnitures and stuff. Even then, my uncle's side complained that during the wedding feast (if I remember correctly), the bride family didn't make a good impression, and the car that they gave as a gift, was not the most pretty, newest model in the market.
Subsequent harrassment
This is again untold stories in my culture. It gets leaked or gets out only when the harrassment reaches the extreme condition, like the ones mentioned in Part 2 and 3.
The husband or the family of the husband would remind the wife of her family's shortcomings during the wedding (i.e. the 'gifts') in every opportunity that arises.
Ponder O Muslims and humans!
No wonder many women in my society now see 'Western' culture to be the liberating society for women, because back in her home, she is treated like a trash. No wonder they turn into Socialists, because Socialists and Human Rights organisations are the only heard voices in my society against such inhumane prejudice. No wonder many women in my society then links this behaviour from their husbands to Islam, this humiliation upon them as a product of Muslim culture.
Laa! Do not mix this with Islam. This is Hinduism and paganism. This is oppression.
Our Lord says (as translated):
“…And live with them (the women) in kindness…” [Qur’aan an-Nisaa'4:19]
The Messenger of our Lord, peace and blessings be on him, said, "A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he would be pleased with some other trait of hers." (Saheeh Muslim)
And the Messenger said, "The most perfect of believers in faith is the best of them in character. And the best of you are those who are the best to their women." (Sunan at-Tirmidhee)
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Apparently there is a new law (not sure exactly how recent)in Bangladesh which has made it illegal to perform these backwards cultural practices.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't seem to be very effective though. Instead of dowry to the Groom being acknowledged as a bribe, people can pass it off as "gifting" the groom's side, in whatever form it may be.
I know of a poor family residing in the rural areas of Bangladesh. Yet they had no other option but to loan some money to "gift" i.e. pay off dowry to the groom's side. This is a family that struggles to make ends meet and yet it had to be done in order to marry off their daughter who is nearing her thirties.
Ahmad, you've quoted some beautiful ahadeeth and aayah from the Qur'aan. Really that is the only proper solution to rid these practices. If people go back and educate themselves on their Deen i.e. Islaam, they'll become aware of the corrupt practises they carry out.
Besides, paying dowry to the Groom's side is something from HINDU culture -correct me if i'm wrong.